An irreverent look in and around World T20 in Bangladesh. If you are looking for news, you have got lost in the right place.
Vithushan Ehantharajah16-Mar-2014The beginning of the beginningThere is a lot of dispute about when this, the fifth World T20, actually begins. Maybe it started today when Bangladesh hosted potential Test-status challengers Afghanistan at the Shere Bangla National Stadium. Or perhaps it is next Friday, when India play Pakistan at the same stadium, in what will be the 13th match of the competition but the first without the “qualifying” tag?In fact, the 2014 World T20 was actually opened on Thursday by the Prime Minister Sheikh Hasina with the help of Akon, AR Rahman and 18,000 Bangladeshis at the BCB’s Celebration Concert at the Bangabandhu National Stadium in Dhaka.Bangladesh opted for a concert instead of a traditional opening ceremony and anybody who has seen English cricket’s two attempts at the latter – let’s just say the Queen and James Bond did not dive out of an aeroplane in cricket’s version – could hardly suggest this was unwise.There was genius and tedium on show, and nearly all of the 18,000 paid through the nose but were compensated with vigorous pat downs from over-enthusiastic security guards. No doubt Akon soothed them. He has had quite a controversial life, involving periods on prison and allegations of simulated sex with minors in his state show. He was also refused a visa by Sri Lanka in 2010 because his music video for included statues of the Buddha in the background.Old habits die hardTalking of Sri Lanka, the last World T20 took place there to widespread excitement. But move the tournament to Bangladesh and some of the Sri Lankan media has found refuge instead in traditional cricketing pursuits.In the in Colombo, consideration of Sri Lanka’s chances had to give way to a 1,000-word report on the final day of the Battle of the Blues – the 135th contest between the rival colleges Royal and St Thomas’ – the second oldest cricket contest in the world.Freakishly, there was a rare chance of a positive result at the start of the final day only for Royal to block the game out with expected fervour. “Stonewall batting helps Royal to force a draw,” blazed the headline approvingly. As the Old Boys paraded around the boundary edge and old school tie allegiances were again on show, it was a world away from the comical slogging of Afghanistan’s top order.Misbah has murdered Wasim bhai’s sleep, no moreRumours have it that Misbah-bashing has reached such critical levels that a group of effigies have got together and are releasing an adaptation of an Oasis classic, entitled “Don’t Ul-Haq In Anger”.Seen as the destroyer of hopes, conceder of match-winning opportunities and the pocket gremlin that ties your headphones in knots, Misbah’s heinous crimes of picking up other people’s slack has gone too far after he savagely butchered the slumber of one of his country’s most celebrated.”I couldn’t sleep for two days,” complained a baggy-eyed Wasim Akram, at a loss to explain what he perceived were defensive tactics from Pakistan’s ODI captain in their defeat to Sri Lanka in the Asia Cup final.Luckily for Akram, Misbah is no longer a part of Pakistan’s Twenty20 plans and it will be down to Mohammed Hafeez to send Wasim to sleep with the lullabies of a thousand gullies.Fruit for thoughtEmbarking on their first major international tournament, Hong Kong have decided to take a strength and conditioning coach on tour for the very first time.That man is Tom Summers, who spent six years at Headingley telling Andrew Gale to get deeper in his squats and opening Ajmal Shahzad’s eyes to a world beyond chest-presses.But despite the stint in the north of England, his most stubborn resistance may come from the heavily Indo-Pakistani origin squad as he looks to wean them off gluten rich breakfasts such as parathas, naans and rotis – instead encouraging them to eat more fruit.”I don’t want to come in and start putting rules and ordering people around on what they should eat,” says Summers. “That won’t work”. Too right.As sports writer Alvin Sallay put it – trying to take the paratha away from the Pakistani is like trying to ask Israel to give up the Golan Heights.Master of Ceremony ActuallyTo most of you, the name FS Nayeem is probably unfamiliar. By the end of this competition you will simply know him as “Oh, that guy”.FS Nayeem is a rom-com actor forging his career in the world of Bangladeshi cinema – Dhallywood? – who will be leading proceedings for the opening of the Nepal-Hong Kong match at Chittagong. He is relishing the chance to connect with his audience and has a new film due out this Eid. You can’t find the trailer online but he also has it on his phone and will happily show you if you ask (and probably if you do not).He has already notched his maiden WT20 hissy fit after taking great offence to a card that had his role down as “MC”, striking it through and writing “Master of Ceremonies” instead. Of all the celebrity pet peeves, abbreviations might be up there as one of the strangest. FWIW, we at ESPNcricinfo hope he deals with his issues ASAP.
